Lesson Learned...

20 month old boys should not be given access to watercolors!

Uh Oh...I think my new house is haunted!

The Truth About Toddlers

Shortly I will start posting pictures of my new house I have spent months decorating and making into our home. Of course these pictures will show perfectly clean and organized rooms, but let's be honest, that is not always the reality around here. Today, I wanted to do what most of the other Mommy home decor blogs don't dare- show you scenes from uglier days... like today.

I got up this morning and cleaned the house like I do most mornings, and it was darn near perfect. But you take ONE phone call and all heck breaks loose. Here are some crime scene photos from the occurrence this morning:


Filler from their St. Patrick's Day baskets with candy wrappers strewn all over the floor...

...and carpet where I am going to have to pick it all out piece by piece by hand

All the books and some toys thrown into the crib:

A hamper of dirty clothes emptied out into the toy box (and I mean dirty-clothes of a toddler boy, yuck!)

And WORST of all- the clothes I folded just THIS MORNING strewn all over Annalise's room in addition to the bedding being pulled off and a lamp knocked over. Looks like the aftermath of a robbery!

They achieved all this in a matter of minutes- it's like they are chaos creating professionals!

Of course I told Annalise she needed to help clean this up, but she's claiming she can't. Apparently she is suffering from a "hurt finger".

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away

On Feburary 28 I started bleeding all day, too light to confirm I lost the baby and too much not to worry. The next day I went in for another ultrasound. All they could see was a little gestational sac that was too small to measure- my baby was gone. I was given some medicine to help hurry the miscarriage along. I took that, and after serious pain, both physically and emotional, everything came to an end by 10:00 that night.

I am so grateful I went to the first ultrasound so I could see that I progressed as far as I did before my body started to shut everything down. I realize now even more so that my two babies are true miracles. I am really doubting my body's ability to carry a pregnancy at this point and am ready to just call it quits.

It is so strange to go through the rabbit hole, having all these sad and sweet experiences, and come out the other end with everything the same. I had such a perfect life before, now the pieces have been scattered and I don't know how to put everything together again like it was it was. I am struggling to figure out why God allowed this to happen to me, I hope I can heal and move on soon.

Confused, Nervous, Depressed...

I have a little tradition with my pregnancies. At about 7 1/2 weeks with Annalise and Jonah I started spotting and used this as a excuse to get an early ultrasound. Each time I saw my little baby with a little, fluttering heartbeat and it was such a thrill! So, true to tradition, when I started spotting at 6 /12 weeks with baby #3 I called and scheduled an ultrasound, expecting the same results.

I felt nervous this time, but I had to pee so bad from all the water they told me to drink, that was all I really could concentrate on as I laid down on the ultrasound table. The tech squirted some gel on and took a look, "Wow, your bladder is really full" she said, and then said "here is your uterus and I can see a sac in there. You can go empty your bladder now." I did that and laid back down prepared for her to take a closer look through a vaginal ultrasound.

She measured the sac and pointed out the yolk sac, but it looked really different than the other ultrasounds I've had, it looked empty. The tech then said the sac was measuring 6 wks and 5 days but she couldn't find a baby. I knew this was very bad. She printed out the pictures, but instead of handing them to me to gush over like before, she attached them to my file and sent me back to the doctor's office. I sat down in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women. Jjust minutes ago I was one of them,  here with my little belly sticking out proudly and wearing my maternity jeans, but was I pregnant anymore? Was I ever pregnant?
I began to cry, thinking how cruel it was to make me wait out here surrounded by big, round bellies. Soon, they took me back where the tears really started to flow.

The nurse explained it could be too early to see the baby, and at this stage, just a couple days could make a world of difference. I told her if the sac was measuring 6 1/2 weeks, I really feel like the baby would be visible. She said it was encouraging that there was a sac and a yolk sac, and some women don't even have that. She said she has seen it go either way, but I left the hospital feeling like my baby, if I ever had a baby, was gone. They took some blood and asked me to come back in 2 days to draw some more to see if the levels of hormone were doubling. I was in shock.

After getting home (and eating some chocolate cake I picked up on the way) and sat down and waited for a miscarriage. But nothing happened, no more spotting, no pain. So I hesitantly started searching the internet for answers- here is what I found:

• I definitely had a baby at one point- it just may be too small to see for now.
• Many women have had this experience and gone on to find their babies days or weeks later, even after their doctors recommended a D and C (removal of the baby surgically). 

I found more stories that had a happy ending than stories that ended in miscarriage

I got my HCG results this morning and they read as follows:
Friday, Feb. 24:    1276
Sunday, Feb. 27:   2062

They would be at the lower end of the normal 6 week range. And although the levels are rising, the are not doubling as the doctor was hoping. Is that good or bad or indifferent? I guess we will see, I have another ultrasound scheduled for Friday- a week later than the first one. I have now read that a baby will not be seen by ultrasound unless the levels are at least 1800-2000. This gave me hope, maybe I was literally 2 days too early to see the baby. I pray I can add my story to the dozens of stories that started with an empty sac and and ended with seeing a little baby with a heartbeat.

I started this experience thinking I had lost this baby, but now I feel cautiously optimistic. I pray the right thing will happen and hope the right thing is I will give birth to a healthy baby come October.

The third baby emotional roller-coaster ride continues...

Unexpectedly Expecting

Yup, that's a positive pregnancy test, my positive pregnancy test. Seems that I am about 6 1/2 weeks pregnant with baby #3. Unlike my other two babies which were very much planned, this baby is a miracle of sorts considering I am now a statistic of birth control failure. This here test is about the 11th one I have taken, and even with all those BFP (big fat positives, as they say) lying around my bathroom, it doesn't seem to be sinking in. This may be the 11th test I have taken in the last 3 weeks, but it is one of HUNDREDS I have taken over the course of the last four years. This kind of obessive compulsiveness has a name, and even an acronym- POSA, or "pee on a stick addiction." Any of you who have suffered with infertility know what I am taking about. Infertility? Me the now soon to be mother of 3 kids under 4 years old suffered from infertility? Yes.

Our Childbearing Odyssey- Staring with Infertility and Ending with a Surprise Third Pregnancy!

Try, Try Again

It all started in May of 2007. My husband and I had waited for several years into our marriage to try to have a baby. I just had this gut feeling that although I come from a Mother who claimed to get pregnant just by looking at my Dad, I wouldn't have it so easy. I expressed this to a co-worker and she said, "No, it will happen fast for you, you just look like you are meant to be a Mom." But it didn't happen fast, three months went by and nothing. I quit my high stress job to up the odds, and still nothing. Then I quit my low stress job by voice mail one morning because the ONLY job in this world I wanted was to be a stay-at-home Mom, as we had always planned, and been preparing for for years. I went back to school, still nothing. I started doing ovulation kits, temping, charting, bought e-books that claimed they had the cure, took various vitamins, used creams illegal in California, read infertility blogs and forums to excess and them some more- it consumed me. Of course during this time friend after friend was announcing their effortless, or even accidental pregnancies- although I was happy for them, it was painful.

I was counting down the days until I could go to a OBGYN and declare the required year of trying had passed and to hand over the Clomid. That day came. I remember sitting on the table with so much hope, this was finally it, our real chance at having a baby. From my charting I realized I had a luteal phase defect, I was ovulating too late in my cycle for my body to realize I was pregnant before my period started. I brought that up to doctor, and she readily dismissed it. That was the first blow. Next by exam came back normal, also slightly irritating being that I wanted some answers for our infertility. Finally I just came out and said it, "Can I just get some Clomid, please?" The doctor's response was," Clomid can really increase your chance of having twins." "Great!" I said. "No, you don't understand," she replied, "women thinks twins are two for one but they are really two for two. Twice the effect on your body and their's." Then came the most dreaded phrase of all..."Don't worry. You are both young and healthy. If you are still not pregnant in six months, you can come in for a surgical examination. I will also make an appointment for your husband to get his semen examined" I made my appoint for six months later for me and a week later for my husband and left the office very frustrated and let down. I couldn't take another six months of this! You have to realize I had already waited 3 years for my husband to finish school, I wanted to be pregnant today!

Bad News

A week later we went to give a semen sample for testing- this testing took two weeks! This whole process was excruciating at this point. I had gotten another job at a school, and worked there part time while I was finishing my Associates degree at a University. During all this testing I was depressed and just couldn't enroll in the next semester, so I had an extra four hours a day on my hands. I decided to work out for two hours and meditate (something entirely new to me) for 20 minutes a day. I sat in my backyard and thought of nothing. I just looked around, absorbed, breathed. I started feeling better about the whole process, until I got the semen analysis. They called and told me they would be calling me at noon with the results and to be sure to be available. I told my co-workers and when the call came, I ran into the private bathroom to hear the results with all my friends outside the door. Being that little can be done to fix a man's sperm, I had been praying all day for two outcomes- one, that everything looked perfect or the other that he was sterile and we would have to adopt. I was just hoping not to hear this, "Well, there are some problems, and it may take longer than you would like, maybe years, but just to keep trying." The phone call came, and the nurse stated my fears almost word for word, "Your husband's below average on all the criteria and has only 12 healthy normal sperm out of 100. It may take longer than you would like to get pregnant, it may take years, but you will just have to keep trying."

I walked out of the bathroom with tears streaming down my face. We both had fertility issues. Even if by some chance one of those healthy sperm fertilized my egg, my body would start my period before it would have a chance to implant. Just the thought of those precious fertilized eggs being discarded by my body was too much to bear.

A Miracle!

This was all on a Friday. My friend at work was having some pregnancy symptoms and said she would take a test Sunday and call me with the results. Sunday morning came and at 3:00 in the morning I stumbled into the bathroom to pee. As I was walking in there, I realized I had been so caught up in the semen analysis and my friend's pregnancy symptoms I didn't realize my period was a day late. I took a test and laid it on the bathroom counter. Negative. I picked up the test ad hurled it into the sink in a fit of rage and yelled out loud, "Of course!"

Later that morning as I was getting ready for the day I pulled the test out of the sink and somewhere between 3:00 and 7:00 in the morning, it had turned positive! I sent my husband out to buy more test in all different brands and those all came back positive too! I was shaking all day with disbelief and fear of losing the baby. We should be celebrating, but we were terrified. Would this pregnancy stick? Weeks went by, and at 7 weeks I exaggerated some spotting I was having so I could get into the doctor and get an ultrasound. It showed my little baby in great detail for that early, I could see the little heart beating away. I didn't worry after that, and with all the morning sickness, you know if you can't even stand to look at salsa or touch the dirty dishes or go grocery shopping without gagging- you are still pregnant.

 In January of 2009 my beautiful baby girl Annalise was born. She has been a absolute ray of sunshine in our lives everyday. I can't tell you exactly what got me get pregnant that time- here are some things that might have helped. I had switched to the more expensive but easier to read digital ovulation tests so I had perfect timing. We had also tried an "every other day" approach to trying to conceive based on the doctor's recommendations. I had also tried something I thought was silly, but just might had worked, where I put a pillow under my butt and propped myself up after for maximum fertilization effect. Maybe it was one of those things, maybe it was the meditation or exercise, maybe it was the prayers I started fervently praying to God for a baby. I don't know, but it was just meant to be for us that month.

What About Baby #2?

Against my doctor's advice, I didn't go on any birth control after Annalise was born. I didn't know if she was a miracle baby or if my body had fixed it's self, regardless, I was ready to be pregnant again as soon as possible. After a couple months, out came the ovulation tests again, and once again, I was ovulating too late. I was nursing Annalise, which I knew is kinda working like birth control, so I weaned her at 8 months to start trying again, knowing this process might take years.

About a week later I was sitting at the computer and felt that tell-tale aching in my chest area. I smiled and wrapped my arms about my myself- I knew we had done it again! Lo and behold, one week later I was staring at another positive pregnancy test. This time it was a boy- my Jonah is the sweetest little man you could imagine.

"Life Is What Happens to You While You're Busy Making Other Plans"

I had my beautiful daughter and my handsome little man and I was complete. Even on birth control I still took the occasional pregnancy test to feed my addiction- but one day I just looked at the box in the garbage and said, "That chapter is closed. I am ready to move on with my life. No more pregnancy test and wondering every month if this symptom or that symptoms means something." I asked my husband to get a form of permanent birth control and he said he would think about it, but I had made up my mind. My childbearing years were behind me and if God knew I was suppose to have another one, he would have to make it happen. Famous last words...

A couple weeks after this realization I woke up super nauseous. My husband was out of town I walked around our family room trying to walk it off. It passed, but I just felt off for the rest of the day. That night I watched this show "My 600 Pound Life" and was really inspired to lose some weight. I made a plan and a chart and taped it to my bathroom door, feeling really good about it all I feel asleep. The next day I went Old Navy and tried on some clothes for an upcoming vacation- but nothing fit right. That isn't so say it didn't fit, it just didn't fit right, almost like I was pregnant I thought to myself. On the way home I stopped by the Dollar Store and bought 3 pregnancy tests, really just more for fun than anything else. I came home and took one, negative, good, I went to bed. I woke up and weighed myself for my first real day of weight loss, wrote it on the chart and went about my day. During a lull, I took another test and there was a very faint, but very pink line.

Here is my first faint positive with Baby #3

I called my husband and told him the news. I called my sister and Mom who were on the vacation I was leaving for the next day and gave them the news too. I tested the next morning with a First Response test and the other Dollar Store test, the Dollar Store test looked the same and the First Response had only a grayish line, like an evaporation line. I was embarrassed about calling my family when this looked like another chemical pregnancy, just like the one I had had a couple months ago. I left for the airport and on the way stopped at a Wal-Greens and got a kit with a test with lines and a digital test. I took the tests in the bathroom and first got two pink lines from one and then a big "YES" from the digital. I was definitely pregnant!

Bryant and I are still in shock. Going from trying so hard to get pregnant where every month you aren't is such a let down, to a surprise pregnancy just leaves us in disbelief. We are excited about our new little one and I know that God wanted us to have just one more. We are so blessed!

Sledding- a HUGE hit!

Today we went sledding as a family and is was a blast! The kids couldn't get enough and the only reason we had to stop was the sun was going down. I love how with kids you get to repeat some great childhood experiences like sledding...and Oreos :)

Falling for Fall

I love Fall and all the carnivals and festivities! We are enjoying every moment of Fall so far!

Our day at Hee Haw Farms!

There's little Annalise on the train- she loved it!

Dried corn in a "sandbox." Good Ol' Fashioned Fun!

We picked our own pumpkins right off the vine!

A hayride to the pumpkin patch! So much fun!

Our day at Cornbelly's Fall Carnival!

Jonah driving a tractor!

Duck races- go pink duck!

Princess Pumpkin Party- Annalise got to dress up like a princess and dance to princess songs on a stage!

We loved every minute!